You know you're from Chicago if...

Hey everybody! Here's a little pice of my hometown that I thought I'd share with you all. The Items in red are ones that apply to me. Text in italics is my own commentary.

You're probably from Chicago if...

• You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.
• You become irate at people who do. Well I may not become irate, but I do cringe.
  
• You measure distance in minutes. (everything is about 15 minutes away, BTW)
• You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines".
• Your school classes were cancelled because of the cold.
• Your school classes were cancelled because of the heat.
• Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. Did someone from Ohio write this?
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. (Ex.: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I wanna go with,") (Do you guys know what the Jewel is?)
• You drink "pop". Well, I don't drink much of it, but that is what I call it.
• You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
• You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway". You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan and the Edens.
• Road signs indicating the "Ike" don't confuse you.
• You know that the 'Elgin-O'Hare' expressway does NOT go to either Elgin nor O'Hare. And never thought it odd.
• You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois" & anything west of Rt. 47 Iowa!
• You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." and you refer to Chicago as "The City."
• No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.
• You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.
• You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
• You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
• You understand what "lake-effect" means.
• You have ridden the "L."
• You don't care if the "elevated" train (the "L") does run underground.
• You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.
• You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet.
• When you ask "Does this bus go to-da-loop?", you're not asking about the sound the horn makes.
• The "living room" is called the "front room." (pronounced fronchroom)
• You understand that no person from Chicago can be a Cub fan AND a White Sox fan.
• It's "Kitty corner" not "Katty corner."
• You eat your pizza in squares, not triangles, and you never refer to it as "pie"
• "The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in January 1986.
• You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.
• You have at some time in your life, used your furniture or a friend's body to guard your parking spot in winter
• You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a "side." Example: "West Side," "South Side" or "North Side."
• Going west to Milwaukee (on I-94) doesn't confuse you.
• Every year, you solemnly swear: "This season the Cubs will win the World Series!"
• You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car. Yes, I have done this one (but I wouldn't do it ordinarily)!

Here are some things to know before you visit:

• First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd., otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga.
• Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
  
• There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.
• All directions start with, "I-94" .. which has no beginning and no end.
  
• The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. And that's in perfect weather conditions.
• If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, and possibly shot.
• When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
• Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
• All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,"Oh, we're in Cicero!"
• If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
• First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (only a few of many examples).
• If asking directions in Cicero you must speak Spanish. If you stop to ask directions on the West side you'd better be armed.
• A trip across town (East to West) will take a minimum of four hours.
• Although many expressways (they are not freeways), have posted speed limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less...you better get out of the left lane.
• The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental.
• If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago". If it's 20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley or Comiskey. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round.